I have had depression for a long, long time and nothing has taken it away. Will I always feel like this ?
Perhaps if I was in an environment with lots of other caring, sharing, happy people I might feel better. But where do you find this ?
No where ?
People are clicky and don’t allow others to join their group. Females find a boyfriend and totally forget their girlfriends exist. Sometimes you make a friend, then one day they never speak to you again. There are alot of lies told between so called friends. Some people befriend you and use you until they find the real person they want to be with, then drop you. If these people think you are becoming too close to you, they do an unkind thing to put you back in your place but not enough to separate you because they still need you, but try to keep you at arms length. Often they comment on how lovely someone else is and make you feel like trash. Mixed actions and words leave you wondering where you stand. Some things stay positive and others stay negative. When the negative thing happens (a comment or taking his hand out of yours, or standing back so there is no physical contact or being grumpy.) But one night when he is feeling horny you have sex, in the morning he rapidly dresses and runs out of your bedroom door and does not ring you for a day so that things cool down. But then he will ring the following day because he feels that 24 hours has cooled the guilty passion of his behaviour, and that time has decreased the feelings of the relationship enough for him to resume the friendship he had with you and he can use you again while he is keeping his eye out to find his true love. The occasional “put down”destroys your self esteem but he continues to appear at your door again and softens the pain you have already suffered, not really understanding what is going on. But the day finally comes and he is off. No guilt, no shame for his actions. After a week or two of his disappearance, he may even stand at your front door with his new love and introduce her to you. The greatest humiliation and hate eat you alive for a year or two or more, unless someone else steps in and takes his place and you can live again.
I will not lower my standards to use a person, if my feelings are not there I break the friendship and go it alone. Years of loneliness prevail and depression is always at the door. And there is not a soul who cares if you live or die. And your body would rot before someone stumbled on your remains and realised that you had passed on. So when I die, I want it kept a secret, cremate me and place half my ashes on my father’s grave and the other half on his mother’s grave “Mary”. But the ashes of my three dogs must be with me- Sweeney, Willow and Archie- for they are the only true friends a person can ever have. They love you for eternity and you know that you can love them eternally because they will never betray you. They lick the tears from your checks when you cry and stay by your side always and trust their lives to you. And if I ever see a man so much as kick a dog, I would have no hesitation in killing him.
That is only one thing I will relate to you because the pain I feel could fill an ocean, and the emptiness I feel is helping the galaxies to expand. There is no one I can speak to, so I have written this to you and it has helped me a little. Maybe it can help the survey I noticed you are running.
I’m stressed of everything, except suicidal thought I have everything, but my decisions are always right for me and wrong for other even after giving a proper logical explanation. I had took the responsibility of making other people better than had a bad impact in my life and making me more stressed. I tried to switch different religions to find peace, I find peace in the parks near cemetery. I tried to find the help of university counselling services but is of no help.
I have had depression for a long, long time and nothing has taken it away. Will I always feel like this ?
Perhaps if I was in an environment with lots of other caring, sharing, happy people I might feel better. But where do you find this ?
No where ?
People are clicky and don’t allow others to join their group. Females find a boyfriend and totally forget their girlfriends exist. Sometimes you make a friend, then one day they never speak to you again. There are alot of lies told between so called friends. Some people befriend you and use you until they find the real person they want to be with, then drop you. If these people think you are becoming too close to you, they do an unkind thing to put you back in your place but not enough to separate you because they still need you, but try to keep you at arms length. Often they comment on how lovely someone else is and make you feel like trash. Mixed actions and words leave you wondering where you stand. Some things stay positive and others stay negative. When the negative thing happens (a comment or taking his hand out of yours, or standing back so there is no physical contact or being grumpy.) But one night when he is feeling horny you have sex, in the morning he rapidly dresses and runs out of your bedroom door and does not ring you for a day so that things cool down. But then he will ring the following day because he feels that 24 hours has cooled the guilty passion of his behaviour, and that time has decreased the feelings of the relationship enough for him to resume the friendship he had with you and he can use you again while he is keeping his eye out to find his true love. The occasional “put down”destroys your self esteem but he continues to appear at your door again and softens the pain you have already suffered, not really understanding what is going on. But the day finally comes and he is off. No guilt, no shame for his actions. After a week or two of his disappearance, he may even stand at your front door with his new love and introduce her to you. The greatest humiliation and hate eat you alive for a year or two or more, unless someone else steps in and takes his place and you can live again.
I will not lower my standards to use a person, if my feelings are not there I break the friendship and go it alone. Years of loneliness prevail and depression is always at the door. And there is not a soul who cares if you live or die. And your body would rot before someone stumbled on your remains and realised that you had passed on. So when I die, I want it kept a secret, cremate me and place half my ashes on my father’s grave and the other half on his mother’s grave “Mary”. But the ashes of my three dogs must be with me- Sweeney, Willow and Archie- for they are the only true friends a person can ever have. They love you for eternity and you know that you can love them eternally because they will never betray you. They lick the tears from your checks when you cry and stay by your side always and trust their lives to you. And if I ever see a man so much as kick a dog, I would have no hesitation in killing him.
That is only one thing I will relate to you because the pain I feel could fill an ocean, and the emptiness I feel is helping the galaxies to expand. There is no one I can speak to, so I have written this to you and it has helped me a little. Maybe it can help the survey I noticed you are running.
I’m stressed of everything, except suicidal thought I have everything, but my decisions are always right for me and wrong for other even after giving a proper logical explanation. I had took the responsibility of making other people better than had a bad impact in my life and making me more stressed. I tried to switch different religions to find peace, I find peace in the parks near cemetery. I tried to find the help of university counselling services but is of no help.